Car – Part 1: [Brakes and boundaries]
Here’s a post that I have been thinking about for a while and recently figured out how to convey it, so please sit back and get comfortable and enjoy this proverbial chilled glass of mind ripple. You can sip it or chug it down. Either way, I hope you enjoy…
Many, many years, ago, in my early teens, back during the civil war in Beirut, the reality of war and conflict was so disturbing that I actually viewed it as a way of life and adapted to it to survive. Turning off feelings and graphic observations of reality are just a bad movie and detached from everything emotionally and mentally. Only focused on the minutiae of tasks that helped me get through the hour, or the day. It turned out to be a very difficult habit to break. The mechanism I utilized became a way of being and life. I immediately invoked this as soon as any kind of difficulty presented itself. Cognitive Dissonance.
There have been years of studies done on cognitive dissonance as early as 1957 by Dr. Festinger which states that a powerful motive to maintain cognitive consistency can give rise to irrational and sometimes maladaptive behavior. According to Festinger, we hold many cognitions about the world and ourselves; when they clash, a discrepancy is evoked, resulting in a state of tension known as cognitive dissonance. As the experience of dissonance is unpleasant, we are motivated to reduce or eliminate it and achieve consonance (i.e. agreement). As an example, in an old story, a fox sees some high-hanging grapes and wishes to eat them. When the fox is unable to think of a way to reach them, he decides that the grapes are probably not worth eating, with the justification the grapes probably are not ripe or that they are sour (hence “sour grapes”).
There are many everyday situations that we all face and utilize this method to get through it. The issue is to recognize which ones have a long-term harmful effect and what to do to correct it. And be cognizant, of others and how it might help or hurt them. I will use this to transition into what I will refer to as Cars and the invention of brakes in cars.
You see, cars have brakes to enable us to stop the car when we need to. To stop when we want to, where we want to, and how we want to. I was thinking because cars have brakes, we get to drive faster, or as fast as we can, knowing full well that we can slow down or stop whenever we want. It is because cars have brakes we feel safe and comfortable to go as fast as we need to; within the legal speed limit of course. It’s not about going fast though. Sometimes we need to slow down to go fast. We need to stop to get gas, maintenance, and such.
Cars have the gas pedal and brakes to enable us to go where we want or need. So the very presence of these, creates boundaries and the very boundaries give us the freedom within those boundaries. Freedom is not free. Having the gas pedal is not enough to enable us to go. It’s having the brakes enable us to use the gas pedal and go where we choose. Sometimes we have to slow down and use the brakes because of traffic or a path we chose to drive on are preventing us to get to our destination as fast as we would like. It is frustrating and yet driving your car you can navigate and get to your destination. Brakes help you control your car so you do not get into an accident hurt yourself or others. So even though brakes are there to help you stop or slow down your car, it is there to give you control and gas is there to navigate through the road you are on.
There are people out there that go about things and get bogged down into their tasks and get frustrated and the lack of investigating another way or why they get stuck and cause more traffic. Some of them even stop and slow down in front of other people and prevent themselves and others from moving forward. They either do not have a map (for the young generation a GPS) or they cannot decide which way to go. If they want to stop, and they are entitled to, they do not pull over and let people get by. They either are afraid of what is ahead, afraid to leave the current location, lack destination, or purpose. Or they just cannot make a choice.
Each action, each event, each movement, has multiple actions, reactions, and effects. So the next time you are doing something, ask yourself, is this the only way, is this the only thing happening here. You are entitled to go as fast as you can, stop, slow down, ask for directions. Do it as often as you want and do it with purpose.
People say that driving is not much fun and is very boring. Yes, sometimes it is not fun and sometimes stressful. I think sometimes it is one of the most entertaining and enlightening activities we do. Approach driving like anything in life with passion, purpose, and an open mind and make the best of it.
“The boundary of one thing is often the beginning of another” – Leonardo Da Vinci
Speaking of boundaries; someone who’s always been an inspiration since they were born, recently shared something with me that is very cute and adorable and innocent, yet it stuck in the back of my mind. I recently realized how true and deep it is. We learn most from the younger generation if we have an open mind and are watching with an unbiased or judgmental mind. Not because they are just smarter but because they look at things with fewer boundaries. I know, get to the story already. They recently told me that when they were younger they had a school assignment and they wrote about how they wondered why the cartoon character SpongeBob Squarepants had a black line/border and they themselves did not, then they wrote that they realized that Spongebob is drawn and is a cartoon and they were not. That is why they do not have a black outline like Spongebob. I think that is very cute. However, after a few days of it hovering around in the back of my mind and while I was writing this email, I realized, this actually ties in very well with my topic above. You see, we all have boundaries, the black outline so to speak. The thing to keep in my mind is that just like a cartoon drawn on a page that has a black outline if there is no next drawing where the cartoon moves. It’s just a drawing. Once it is drawn to move and take action, then it comes to life. (no pun intended). Yes, we have boundaries, but if we do not breathe and change then we are just a static picture. We need to interact. We need to see each other within and without the outline and come to life.
For some change means a dizzying loss of control. The reality of it is that something as simple as a sunrise can still surprise and warm you in a very good way.